Tuesday 29 August 2017

๐Ÿ–ค Poppy 100WC T3W6 ๐Ÿ–ค

I was walking down the street then suddenly it went dark, I freaked out, all the things around me disappeared. I kept walking until a bright light shone into my eyes, I walked towards it but something stopped me from going any further, it was like an invisible screen was stopping me. I decided to sit down so I went towards a small chair but I accidentally tripped and when I did I heard laughter, I turned around to see a whole audience I watching me. I realised I was trapped in a screen.

2 comments:

  1. I really liked how you added the simile " it was like an invisible screen was stopping me ". but maybe next time you could make your word size a bit bigger because it is hard to read.
    I hope you could check out my writing and maybe give me some feedback, thanks.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I really liked your story because it had a good start which made the whole thing interesting. I liked how you made it seem different at the beginning to what it really was at the end. Can you check my writing and give me some feedback.

    ReplyDelete

I really liked . . . because . . .
I really liked the way you . . .
I enjoyed reading this because . . .
It was especially good when you . . . because . . .

I think you need to . . . because . . .
Next time you write . . .
Think about adding . . .
Have you thought about . . .
To improve your . . . try . . .
Perhaps you could . . .